Laundry
Guy got distracted by his date's aroma.
He complimented their choice of laundry detergent.
Got a lift to Sainsbury's.
Went home to do some washing.
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Clean
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Mark spent the weekend washing his feet.
People would ask him what he was doing.
He'd reply with things like.
'I'm washing my feet.'
'I'm cleaning my feet.'
And 'My feet are being washed (by me).'
Adjustments
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Potter put on a suit.
He'd last worn it 20 years ago,
So it had forgotten how to fit.
He ate another biscuit,
Gave the problem a good old think.
Getaway
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Teddy wanted a holiday.
He booked himself into the Premier Inn across the road.
Took different routes to the local amenities.
A week later he went back home.
Rebrand
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Chris thought about spelling his name with a K.
He emailed a few people asking for their opinions on the matter.
Then sent some text messages asking if they'd checked their emails.
Poppy
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Harold bought one of those giant poppies motorists stick on the front of their vehicles
(The ultimate in respectfulness)
He super glued it to his bare chest.
Went out for a march.
And occasionally saluted.
Hostility
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A dragon
Burned a hole in a basin,
Spitting out his toothpaste.
He apologised to his hosts.
Their true colours seeped through the thin veneer of friendliness.
They began threatening to call the local knights.
Clementine
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'My grandma's less shrivelled.'
Grumbled Gary.
Appalled at the state of his clementine.
'And she's dead.'
Deadpan
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Deadpan Stan,
Made a mildly amusing quip,
In an emotionless tone.
Judged
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A homeowner told a ghost his costume wasn't realistic.
He got sad and ectoplasm started spilling everywhere.
Commands
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Gregory dressed up his children.
Sent them to the streets.
Demanded they gather goods from the neighbourhood.
And not return until their little plastic pumpkin heads were full.
Desert
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Noah ordered desert.
Yes.
Several hundred bags of sand arrived.
He was never going to hear the end of this.
Fabio
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'I like his exotic name'
Margaret told Dave.
Dave frowned at Fabio.
Cactus
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Ben had a cactus.
When people came to his house he'd point at it.
'That's a prickly customer'
He'd say.
Visitors dwindled.
Useless
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Reg enquired as to the location of the vacuum cleaner.
'The same place it's been for 20 years, Reg.'
Replied Henregetta.
Reg's dopey head nodded cluelessly.
Gave the environment a quick scan.
Made himself comfortable on the couch.
Cycle
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'I was just out for a cycle'
Said Gordon,
Panting,
120 miles from home.
Beryl questioned his story.
Iconic
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Ken rode on one of Lisbon's iconic yellow trams.
Which was very inconvenient.
And rickety.
And old.
But most importantly,
Iconic.
Please excuse the fact that in the previous poem Ken clearly flew home from his holiday. If it helps, consider the flight mentioned in that a round trip. Or read this instead:
Ken flew back to Lisbon because he forgot to ride on one of their iconic yellow trams.
Which was very inconvenient.
And rickety.
And old.
But most importantly,
Iconic.
Then he flew home again.