Poet Authority Poem Terminal

Met another cool dude.

They traded skateboards.

The military arrived.

They camouflaged as BP signs and petrol pumps and set up camp in Wild Bean Cafes.

Rifles were waved at motorists who dared drizzle more than two pounds worth of fuel into their tank.

A sergeant shot a ditz who got a bit too eager at £1.99.

He wasn't equipped to get back down and had to adapt to life in space.

This was angling?

He folded away his protractor.

Threw himself in the river.

Paul was banished from the community.

He had to go and live with the slugs.

Dave wasn't feeling very welcome in his new home either.

They'd store coffins underneath and yank the lever when one is the oldies popped.

It saved a lot of time

But the families thought it was a disgrace.

Luigi hooked his arse up to some gas pipes.

Dunked his face into an unbelievably large plate of beans.

The family gathered by a radiator,

Cheered Luigi as he devoured the mountain.

Linda worked in customer support.

She hated every single one of them.

Except a guy called Kevin.

He had a genuine complaint.

She spoke to him for about an hour

Wrote down his number

Learned he had a wife.

Eventually she managed to convince her they'd slept together.

Anyway, the point was Linda hated these customers.

She hated them so much she learned how to beatbox.

She learned horrendous tunes and started spouting them out over the line.

The customers would tire of being on hold and hang up

And Linda would smile to herself.

She just didn't agree with it.

The wetness of the water

The dryness of the sand.

It simply didn't make sense.

The whole thing infuriated her.

She began stomping around kicking over sandcastles.

Telling children to stop celebrating the monarchy.

At one point she was briefly distracted by a dog.

One of the children managed to erect a flag before she pelted his creation.

He looked up at his body and noticed sparks and bits of wires hanging out.

A robot, he knew it!

He tried to adapt.

In his confusion he accidentally kissed his boss

Who just so happened to be about two hundred pounds heavier than his lover.

His lover was furious.

Willy had to sleep on the couch that night.

He planned on checking between the cushions again.

With broadly similar views on things

Went to war with each other.

A few thousand people died

And Tom

Who was one of the luckier (more cowardly) ones

Had a really sore leg at the end of it all.

She couldn't help but be impressed.

And a little upset, to be fair.

Why hadn't she been included?

Humped more girls than he'd managed.

Gibb hated his dog.

And he knew the girls wouldn't laugh off the antics if he tried it.

He became the numbers guy.

Whenever anyone wanted sums doing they'd approach Edwin.

Edwin never had time for himself after that.

He was always busy doing sums.

He'd input their data into his taximeter.

It charged more the heavier they were.

Newspapers picked up on his scheme.

No one was happy about what was going on.

The Mayor of London got in touch and told him off.

He staggered forward and landed face first in Mary's chest.

He closed his eyes and rested there for a moment.

Hoped the fall looked convincing to the rest of the office.

He hauled her back in.

Declared her the catch of the day.

She was coughing up salt water.

Fish slapped at her torso as she tried to untangle herself from the netting.

He ordered some tiger eyes off one of those shady websites.

From then on life took a turn for the worse.

For a start he struggled to really see anything.

He tripped over children as he walked down the street.

Bought the wrong chocolate bars.

Bit into Twirl he thought was a Twix.

All of his worst nightmares were coming true.

Issues compounded when he climbed into the ring.

Fists were thrown at his face and he had no idea when to dodge.