Poet Authority Poem Terminal

A magpie swooped down.

Stole Emily's spoon.

The consumption of her yoghurt turned undignified.

Neal bought a sensible coat.

And some sensible shoes.

And began his new sensible life

A space ranger received a message on his datapad.

The font was damn near indecipherable.

He stood there trying to work out the difference between the Qs and Gs and Cs and Js and Ts and Us and Os and Ds as the enemy surrounded him.

A half-finished complaint demanding something more legible was found by the search team that followed.

From a shelter.
Thank you very much.
He had his favourite breeder drop it off a few hours earlier.

Brian was attempting to win his girlfriend back.

Knights hadn't been around for hundreds of years so everyone was panicking.

And the old man who claimed to be a wizard wasn't any help at all.

Nelson lost his balance.

He fell off that giant column thing.

The long fall gave him time to anger at the scale of it.

And at the bottom he was eaten by some lions.

Which had come alive for some reason.

Offered Ivy to the counsellor.

Slow Jeremy stared at his feet.

Something he liked to call 'funeraling'.

Thankfully he'd zoomed right in,

So he landed on Aldi.

It was, to be fair to him, a little out of his comfort zone.

But he was fairly confident he could manage.

He cried in some drab corner,

Rested his head on his suitcase,

And wondered if he could get a refund on the room.

Specialising in eggs.

He acquired some chickens from a local dealer.

Planted them in his allotment.

And waited for the magic to happen.

He texted his parents.

'I'm going to become a billionaire'

It said

'You've really let me down with the circumstances of your birth'

It continued

'And my own, too.'

Which was actually water but I was attempting alliteration.

The tipple timed to 'terrupt today's toil.

Which means he drank his drink so it would slosh its way out of his bladder during work hours.

He had his name embossed on there along with a short description of his achievements in accounting.
Edwin bolted it to his house and invited colleagues over for a small celebration.

Then down a hole.

When he finally reached the bottom of the hole he started shouting.

'Help I've fallen down a hill,

And a hole.'

This wasn't the sort of situation Jeff Spencer liked to find himself in.

Especially while feeling a little dizzy.

She apologised to her fellow lifters,

Informed them she was loaded with lactose intolerance,

And set about the balls of mozzarella she'd acquired.

Or the Rev,

As he liked to be called.

Offered his wife,

Who shall henceforth be referred to as 'Rev's Wife' as she's not very important,

A full rundown of his expectations.

'Much like Jesus,'

He said,

'I'm going to be needing to eat nothing but chocolate eggs for two weeks.'

Rev's wife couldn't be bothered to argue,

And plodded off to Sainsbury's.